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He’d sit at the end of his bed with his face in his palms feeling guilty. I’d erase my phone inbox every few days and hid a packed bag in case my mum ever caught us and I had to run away.
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Oh sure we talk and take care of kids etc but you can't have any deep meaningful conversation when someone's attention is divided if not elsewhere. Someone who is 1,000 miles away but always makes me feel special. I didn't know there were so many other people in the world who are in the same situation, so reading others' stories is reassuring in that I realise I'm not alone in my aloneness. During this time, I totally devoted my life to being a loyal wife and a good mother. He seems to be okay with everything but I am not and its frustrating. Over the past 15 years of marriage, but particularly the last 10, I've felt... She gets mad and say I'm cheating don't this and that when I don't want to have sex. All them years days and time she rejected my played my face. If he doesn't want sex ANYMORE he should talk to me about it and be honest! Now that my baby is 17, we finally have time for us. I don't know if he is really okay with it or just not saying anything because of the kids. Impossible so *any* opportunity the presents itself is jumped on (pun intended).

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honest with myself and allow you to blame me for the failure of our marriage.... Things could be as simple as keeping her own nails clean or keeping the house clean.

It is my fault I strayed after 19 years of sexual neglect... Last weekend I cooked a special dinner...candles...trying to rekindle what we once had. I told him I had prepared a special dinner for him. that something wasn't quite right, your intuition tingling, trying to tell you something that you couldn't quite hear. We hade fun togheter and we did everything together. Her sister didn't invited us to her wedding, and her family took the sister side. It's been 19 years, but it's been bad for so long, I don't even know what a healthy relationship is anymore.

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